It all happened in 1987. I was 18 and I already had 2 children. It was a bad time to have a third child. I used to live with my parents. I wasn?t? working, just my husband, and the children were under 3. When I found out I was pregnant I was ready to die than have another child. I though there was no point in causing trouble for somebody else, too and I terminated the pregnancy by myself. I would be capable of anything in those times of despair and poverty. I pumped in boiled water mixed with salt and alcoholic extract. Women used everything they heard of in order to cause an abortion: wormwood, stork?s bill, chamomile, anything. There were women who even had an abortion with a 5-month pregnancy. I was 4-month pregnant when I did it. The next day I aborted the baby, but the placenta wouldn?t come out, as it stuck to the spine. It was terrible. When you do it in a hospital it isn?t that bad, at least you don?t get to see the baby. But I could see my baby boy, his face with eyes, nose and mouth. I couldn?t bring myself to throw it away or bury it somewhere. I felt like putting it back in. 4 days after the abortion I was in terrible pain, the placenta had stuck inside and became hard from all that salt and alcohol extract. The emergency car took me to the Filantropia hospital. The doctors did not ask why you had an abortion, how you did it, or who helped you do it, they were just doing their duty. If doctors would left all those women who had an abortion by themselves die, there would be less left today. The hospital was full of them, so they had to share a bed. When I got well, the doctor told me ?I?m not going to ask you who did this to you, but never do it again. Have you ever thought you might leave your two children without a mother?? The most serious cases, such as mine, (I had septicemia) had to be reported to the police, so that they could trace the people who helped you have an abortion. It wasn?t my case.

Two weeks after getting out of hospital I was called to the police, and had to go the room no 4, the Crimes department. The first time I was there, I gave a statement to a young police officer who told me what to write, namely that I had lifted a gas cylinder, and caused my abortion. Then they called me again after seeing the hospital file. I told them the same thing, that I had lifted a gas cylinder, but they said one doesn?t get septicemia from that. They kept asking me who did that to me and with what. I didn?t tell them anything.

One year later I was pregnant again. I was prepared to have ten babies than have another abortion. I remembered what I had been through, and I knew there were women who died. Only this time I had a miscarriage, although I wanted to keep the baby and checked into a hospital to get some treatment. I was again called to the police, but the hospital file was clear.

I know women who died from an abortion. I had a neighbor next door who called a woman to give her an abortion. My neighbor died but nobody found out anything, although people knew what had been going on. The women who performed the abortion disappeared anyway, so there was no point in making waves. I know another woman. A nurse, who died while having an abortion by herself. (175)

You were forced to have 4 children, but maybe you didn?t want to do that, as there was no future for the baby. And then you used every means available.